Day 216 12:23PM

As I slowly progress through the stages of interviewing for jobs I am struck more and more about the similarities between job hunting and dating. I'm probably not the first to break ground on this but I still am finding it quite fascinating:

Date #1 / Interview #1: In both situations this is the, for lack of a better euphemism, getting your foot in the door stage. Nobody is really being themselves here; we're just feeling each other out. There's a lot of awkward banter; a lot of overreaching for middle ground; and a lot of agreeing with each other way too much.

Date #2 / Interview #2: Things are starting to get a bit more serious. We starting talking about real stuff now - our pasts, our visions of the future and how we plan to get there, strengths and weaknesses, how many piano tuners there are in Chicago. You evaluate the conversations in a deeper context and suffer a lot of highs and lows in an incredibly short period of time. This is where both hope and despair both start creeping in - "Do I like them more than they like me?", "Did I just say something they might misconstrue as offensive?", "Did they just catch me glancing at their cleavage?" and "How do I answer this compensation question?"

Date #3 / Interview #3: Now we are emotionally involved; this one is gonna end in either happiness or heartbreak. There's no more faking here as the discussions are much deeper, your answers scrutinized to much greater detail. You look in their eyes to see how everything you are saying is registering and feel it in the pit of your stomach. The problem is, they are playing along too so you can never really know. And they might be seeing somebody else tomorrow who is just as smart, just as personable, but he went to HBS and has a consulting background.

Day 193 5:44PM

Recently, I watched Homer Simpson struggle with his own mortality after consuming a poorly prepared piece of Fugu (toxic pufferfish served as sushi).  This got me thinking about the five stages of grief (Homer goes through them quickly and hilariously in Dr. Hibbert's office) and how they apply to interviewing for a job you really want:

Denial: The initial phase occurs about a week or so after the interview, when realistically if the company wanted you back they would have called by now. You justify the delay by thinking things like "They probably are just busy this week with that ad campaign they mentioned" or "I think the hiring manager sounded like she was sniffling a little, she probably got H1N1" or "It's Lupus Awareness Month so they might be celebrating this week."

Anger: The second phase comes into play when whatever excuse fueled your Denial no longer can be valid. This phase features a heavy amount of cursing and internal listing of all your redeemable qualities. You'll probably go on several anti-HR tirades and openly question how the company you interviewed with even remains a viable enterprise.

Bargaining: Things start turning a little sad here as you realize that your Anger is misplaced. You re-fall-in-love with the company and begin to make sacrifices to the HR people who are not calling you. Usually this involves lateral salary moves "for the right opportunity", accepting positions below you "because there are opportunities for growth", or performing illicit and/or illegal deeds because you are "just grateful for the opportunity."

You may also do some bargaining with whatever God you worship here. I find Vishnu or James Earl Jones to be the most responsive.

Depression: Ah Depression, my old friend. If you find yourself in dark rooms for over 80% of your day, wearing sweats to public places, or drunk before noon on a Tuesday you have slipped into Phase IV. The plus side is that you will be well-rested, comfortable, and drunk before noon. Here it's best not to focus on the years of complacency spent at a job with no future or relevant training or the graduate degree you spent over $100K on. Instead look at the positives like, um, er... well Lost is coming back soon and BK dropped the price of their Double Cheeseburger to $1.

Acceptance: "Fuck 'em, I never really wanted that job anyway." 

Lisa: Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity"?
Homer: Yes! Crisatunity!

So maybe not getting that job was the Crisatunity you were waiting for.

Or maybe your resume just sucks...

Day 186 12:41PM

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: I just decided against the $6.25 turkey and cheddar cheese sandwich at Gregory's Coffee for the $3.99 turkey and jack cheese sandwich at 7-11. I tell myself it's because I like the jack cheese roughly $2.25 more but we all know that's not true. Employed Dave only eats the 7-11 turkey sandwich when he is walking home drunk and can't find a pizza place.

Day 172 11:14AM

Since I haven't done it in a month (and it is an easy gimmick to get a blog post up) I thought it was time to revisit the postings out there:

Brand Manager/Marketing Manager - A Reputable Company - The best part of this one is if you go to the job description it is more of the same vague language: "Collaborates with home office and General Manager on overall marketing strategy", "Prepares and manages annual budget in accordance with media plan to achieve marketing goals", "Achieve marketing synergy with cross-functional business units and monitor ROI based on pre-defined benchmarks." (I made that last one up but admit it, it could fit just as easily).

Licensing Marketing Manager - American Girl/Mattel - I admit I have struggled with job opportunity more than once. On one side there is Mattel, a wonderful company to work for. On the other side, there is the unshakable mental image of my office covered in Barbie accessories while I try to figure out how to position Skipper's new hybrid convertible.

Marketing Manager - Halliburton - The one case where'd I'd probably lie and say I was the Licensing Marketing Manager for Barbie.

Marketing Licensee Manager - National Wild Turkey Federation - Sure, at first this seems like the dream: marketing 101 Proof Bourbon to college students and Red States everywhere. Topless co-eds, all day tailgates, and Toby Keith concerts. Nope, the NWTF is a national nonprofit wild turkey conservation and hunting organization.

National Brand Marketing Manager - Red Bull North America - Fantastic opportunity but I don't see myself making it past the first day when I go on a lengthy, profanity-laced tirade about their ridiculously bad commercials.

Product Marketing Manager - Carol's Daughter - Listen, I think we all admire Carol for the incredibly proactive and out-of-the-box measures she's taking to achieve her daughter's popularity. However I really think a more traditional approach of after-school activities coupled with better clothes and a BMW will net her friends with a smaller overall investment. Worst-case scenario you allow kids to drink in your basement.

Day 164 4:43PM

When you cease working you cease to engage those parts of your brain that getting your MBA activated in the first place. My daily life right now doesn't beg for much high-level thinking (or waking up to be honest) but so as not to waste those two years of personal development here's how I keep up:

Marketing Concepts: This one's easy given that I am selling myself on a daily basis by focusing on the 4 Ps - Product (me), Price (negotiable), Placement (anywhere), and Promotion (endless). Plus, every interview is a personal SWOT analysis from hell.
Financial Accounting: Unemployment checks count as Assets. Everything else in my life is a G*d d*mn Liability.
Managing Organizations: I'm currently barely hanging in at the Physiological base level of Maslow's Hierarchy. A job may get me up a notch to Safety. Sexual Intimacy still a ways away.
Strategy: The job hunt requires me to ignore Porter's Five Forces (The Threat of Substitute Products, The Threat of the Entry of New Competitors, The Intensity of Competitive Rivalry, Bargaining Power) lest I hang myself with a widget.
Operations: Queuing theory at work at Target as I wait on line to buy private label brands of cereal, deodorant, and heart medication. By the way, the Silver Fox working the register is always the bottleneck.
Collaboration, Conflict, and Negotiation: This basically consists of me ignoring Citibank's daily phone calls asking about my late Student Loan payments.
Decision Models: My largest unemployed project to-date involves an elaborate Excel model comparing the absolute difference between multiple average values versus static values and uses a personally designed macro to copy, paste, and rank them according to specific attributes. It was created to help me decide which NFL bets to make.
Current Economic & Financial Problems: Pretty self explanatory.

Day 137 3:46PM

Fantastic episode of Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: I just deposited a check for $1.33 into my bank account. To be fair, this deposit was part of an overall trip to the bank to transfer money (unemployment) from one account to another but the check actually didn't read the first time so I had to deposit it again. Then the machine couldn't read it and I didn't remember the amount (or my brain refused to accept it) so I had to remove the check, look, and start again. This process took about 6 minutes of my life that I can never have back.

The personal economics of this transaction were a wash at best. Since it takes me a mile to get to town, my car averages about 25 miles per gallon, and gas (when last purchased) was $3.07 per gallon, the trip itself cost me roughly 25 cents. The mental capacity expired, the time that could've been spent job hunting, the tread used up on my shoes, and the overall loss of 30 minutes of my life account for the other $1.08 (FYI, my issue with 8 + 5 is so bad I just used Excel to figure out that math. Apparently I can't do it in any iteration of it.).

Now, the loss to society is a whole 'nother story. The paper used for my receipt, the time the woman waiting behind me wasted, the carbon emissions of my Rogue - all came at a cost to the planet just so I could cash a check for $1.33 (from the company that laid me off no less). I will repent by emailing Al Gore an apology and planting more pachysandra in my brother's back yard.

Day 123 2:20PM

People that know me know that I have this little issue in my life where there is a direct correlation to the length of an email sent to me and the length of time it takes me to respond. It's clearly a problem, especially in situations where you need to tell me a story in order to get my opinion or you need to hear yourself talk and have me agree with you. I am having the same issue with Termed Into Oblivion but I am going to address it... not every post has to be long and not every post has to be incredibly insightful and/or funny.

That being said, I'd like to pose the question: Where the F**K do online job applications go once you hit submit? I ask because I've had the pleasure of, to date, filling out roughly 63 online applications and approximately ONE has called back (from a job I applied for three months ago). Now don't claim to be the ideal applicant who thinks his response percentage should be the same as Megan Fox's JDate profile, but 2%??? C'mon. I have an MBA from NYU; I have 7+ years of Marketing experience with major companies; my interests include reading and boxing - could any sane HR person resist all that?? The answer in a resounding "NO!" Thus I can only assume that these online applications wind up in the same parallel universe that childrens' letters to Santa, Duane Reade "Tell Us How We're Doing" customer service cards, and Lindsey Lohan's coherent Tweets reside in. A dark world where requests for a Wii go unanswered, racially charged curse-words are misspelled, pleas to a lesbian DJ remain ignored, and a strong candidate's desire to participate in a personal interview to answer any of your questions and better present his qualifications is heard by not a soul.

Day 105 10:24AM

For those that actually read this, I apologize. For some reason suburban life can particularly busy though if you asked me to say why I'd have no response. Maybe it's all the errands. Or this nasty little meth habit I picked up...

Anyway, going through my morning routine of searching for jobs I thought it might be fun for all of us to take a look at what's out there:
Assistant Marketing Manager - Duane Reade - Things I will NEVER associate with anyone working for Duane Reade "exceptional communication and interpersonal skills," "Strong organization skills," and "Ability to perform in a fast-paced environment and manage timelines" (or any lines at all).
Marketing Manager - Stamps.com - I'm not sure which job I would brag about less - this one or the one above it. At least Duane Reade sells DVDs and Kettle Chips.
Game Night Internerships, Marketing - The LA Clippers - At the end of the internship you get the GM position, or Point Guard.
Marketing Analyst - The Law Offices of Jerry Kaufman - "Research market conditions, do statistical analysis, prepare forecasts"... Jerry strikes me as the type of guy that wishes he'd gotten an MBA rather than a law degree and now wants someone around the office to talk "MBA stuff" despite the information being completely useless.
Marketing Manager - Intuit - Every time I see I a job at Intuit I giggle because I think it says Inuit. That ultimately leads to me thinking about job postings like "Must be proficient in harpooning and dog sledding," "BA or BS Degree in either Marketing, Raiding, Qaniujaaqpait, or Public Relations," and "Ability to juggle a variety of tasks in a professional manner."

Day 84 5:59PM

So what's the correct response when asked salary requirements in a down economy? The old business school standby of anchoring high seems like a flawed technique nowadays given that the market is flooded with business school graduates anchoring high and subsequently not getting jobs. Telling them my actual past salary usually doesn't work, probably because I quickly follow it up with "ofcourseeverythingisnegotiablefortherightopportunity." Telling them my true requirements - three hots and a cot - sounds a bit desperate and I'd still need medical and vision (f*** dental).

My copy of Bargaining for Advantage now seems like a cute relic of a time long ago. It does, however, act as an effective prop to make my bookcase seem impressive, right next to Building Strong Brands, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, The Grand Strategy of the Roman Empire: From the First Century AD to the Third, and Twilight (What? The ladies love it).

Maybe I'll go try to get the Street Meat guy down to $4 for the sake of practice. He's a Columbia grad.

Day 77 12:02AM

Per the lecture by Stephen J. Cannell "What is the Three Act Structure?" - " At the end of Act Two is the second act curtain. This is the destruction of the hero's plan. At the end of Act Two the protagonist should be almost destroyed, and at the lowest point in the drama, either physically and/or emotionally. He (or she) is flat on his back and it looks like there is no way he can succeed." I'd like to hope this is the ending of Act II of my E! True Hollywood Story.

For those that cannot gather from above, I have left Las Vegas. I have moved back to New York. Moved back to Chappaqua, the town I grew up in. Moved into my brother's guest room while I look for work in a devastated market.

Hopefully I can re-start Termed after a brief hiatus where I took stock of my life and made some judgment calls. I'm starting to wonder if they were the right ones... I guess we'll see...

Day 56 7:45PM

Being termed has afforded me a bunch of free time and like many before me I have turned to Twitter. Now I know what many of you are saying: "Twitter? I'm sick of hearing about that!" or "What are you, a fifteen year-old girl?" or "I can't believe McNair's girlfriend thought she'd land in his lap and they'd be like that in heaven" but damn if this site isn't addictive. One of my biggest problems with the blog is feeling the need to post entries long enough to have value; Twitter eliminates that with a 140 character limit. Also, given that I am neither the most offensive nor the most random person out there I can be both with impunity. It is truly liberating.

So as a public service to the uninitiated I present some different classes of Twitterers and some examples of their work:

The 140 Character Masters
@jordanrubin: If I was friends with a centaur, I'd pick a fight with him just so I could say, "Let's settle this Mano a Mano-Horso."
@someecards: [mj memorial] It's always tragic when a pet chimp outlives its owner.
@SarahKSilverman: Hey, is it considered molestation if the child makes the first move? I'm gonna need a quick answer on this.
@michaelianblack "Happy Canada Day," which in America is pronounced "Who gives a shit?"
@robcorddry: Pornstars! Want to know your real name? Take the 1st name on your birth certificate and add it to your dad's last name! I'm "Rob Corddry"!
@dathvader: In Palpatine's defense, it's hard not to be over-confident when intelligence reports you'll be fighting teddy bears & salamanders.
@mookiewilson86: Ya know what's a terrible name for a rapper? Holla Cost.

Topical Geniuses
@sethmeyers21: Hey, maybe "Moneyball" movie got shelved because the A's are 34-46
@sportsguy33: Little-known fact: every time Mariah Carey sings "I'll Be There," she's talking about an all-you-can-eat buffet.
@SklarBrothers: Was surprised to find out that trending topic, "Firefox 3" was referring to computer software, and not some Lou Gossett Jr. Movie.
@nickswisher: Unreal series.Taking 3 from Mets at their place and Mo getting his 500th. Couldn't be scripted any better. Big homestand coming up...

Famous People Who Will Depress You For Being Famous
@IMKristenBell: funniest thing i heard all week-daxs grandma Eulice said kids called her "useless eggshells"-apparently a major insult in the 40s! hee hee
@marciabrazil: Let's just say that your hanging and your friend fuck your boyfirend right after u have leave the party. How would u feel?
@hollymadison123: i am surrounded by gays. which is great, but i'll probably never get laid again.
@KimKardashian : [on July 4th] Did anyone see fireworks???
@ChansiStuckey: Watching head of state with chris rock and bernie mac(rip). Classic

Postings by David Locke in Which He Thinks He's Wittier Than He Really Is
@350Park: The seamless transition of the WWF to WWE gives me faith in human beings' ability to adapt to change. It's like White Trash Darwinism.
@350Park: Because of "Two Girls, One Cup" I now immediately distrust anybody who says "You HAVE to watch this YouTube video." Or "Here, use this cup."
@350Park: Jackson funeral at the Staples Center July 7th; July 8th -12th? Ringling Bros. & Barnum and Bailey. They won't even have to change sets.
@350Park: Maybe the rain was God crying bc He knew He had to call MJ & FF home. That or it was the condensation of atmospheric water vapor into drops.
@350Park: The cast of Terminator 3 is the Bizarro World version of the cast of Diner.

Day 53 11:54PM

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: I used coupons at Target. More than one. And saved $1.75. And was psyched about it. Employed Dave would've skipped the coupons AND would've bought Tide instead of All.

Day 53 11:08PM

I went to a high school that is consistently ranked among the top institutions in the country. I graduated with honors from the University of Michigan. I was promoted up the ranks of the largest record label in the world. I received my MBA from a Top 10 business school. Yet somehow the D-Bag with the Ed Hardy wardrobe, the tribal tattoos across his back, and the sunglasses on the back of his head at the pool owns four condos while I am on a month-to-month rental. Somehow the bottle blond with the fakies peeking out her halter top, teetering on her 4-inch heels at Target, is driving the Land Rover while I rock the leased Nissan Rogue. Somehow the guy who doesn't know the difference between "you're" and "your," who hit "Reply All" to a company-wide email more than once, who took a sick day to go to the AVNs, got promoted while I got termed.

MAN this town is confusing...

Day 46 5:02PM

I've gathered from various sources that this Blog reads as exceedingly negative at times. This is not my intent; it is simply that my New York sarcasm and jackassedness doesn't translate to the written word as well. Trust me, I am only this bitter like 31% of the time. So, in order to change the tone of the blog I am going to take a moment to list some of the pluses of being Termed Into Oblivion:

• Hitting the gym mid-day means I get to work out with the Manhattan's resident "dancers"
• Lazy River Sundays with no fear for Monday remorse
• I can finally go to Spy On Vegas happy hours
• I figured out how to do bullet points on Blogger
• I get to hit Callaway before the post-work rush
• No more Monday IT meetings and the inevitable uncomfortableness when their team gets belittled yet again
• Nobody is on the XBox when I go to Target
• I've embraced the comedy potential of Twitter (350Park)
• Nobody is telling me to "own the program" despite their inability to tell me what that means
• I get sunlight on a daily basis
• I was able to follow the Michael Jackson saga as it unfolded re-time
• No more Team Member Dining means no more 700 calorie cookies and arbitrary French Fry consumption
• They weren't able to lay me off during yesterday's round

Day 41 6:01PM

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: This happened a few nights ago but I couldn't resist discussing it. Cooking Pasta-Roni ($1.01 a box!! 34% of your daily recommended sodium per serving!!) on my gas stove and apparently the flame went out. It took me several trips to the stove wondering why the pasta wasn't cooking before I realized what had happened. Employed Dave probably would have decided that the condo full of gas wasn't worth it and would have gone out to eat for several hours while the place aired out. Let Go Dave decided "what the hell," sat on the patio for 30 minutes, and finished cooking the pasta. I did squat down on the floor while relighting the stove though.

Day 38 1:38PM

This is more a function of having time on my hands than the true nature of the blog but... I really hate the Smirnoff Ice commercial when they make it seem like a group of people sneaking onto a hill, laying down some plastic, and slip-n-sliding when the sprinklers come on is absolutely nutty and cool. "It was crazy and we were there." That seems like a 60 year-old marketing exec's idea of crazy since he grew up in Queens and used to open up hydrants in the summer to stay cool so this is reminiscent of that. Shouldn't "it was crazy and we were there" be reserved for things like the NYC blackout and bachelor parties in Thailand? If they got drunk on the Ice and beat the security guard who found them to death and then used the plastic to bury him in the greenhouse from the beginning of the commercial maybe I'd feel better about the message, but otherwise I'm just not buying it.

One the other hand, the new Bacardi mojito commercial with the guy walking through the party totally kills it (forced racial harmony and all).

Day 32 5:20PM

This blogging thing is tough; much harder than working. Most weekends I don't do it because that is the time I forget for a few brief, wonderful days that I am unemployed and I interact with my friends as if nothing has changed and I just happen to be saving my money for something important like a condor or calf implants (not the farm animal, the muscle). During the week I find myself occupied with searching for jobs and forcing my resume to fit the position (Luxury retail database experience? Sure! Experience generating promotional ideas to meet marketing objectives across multi-media channels? Why not!), slowly winding down my life here (anyone want a Nissan Rogue with two years left on the lease? How about a one-ton Sony Wega flat-screen TV?), surviving panic attacks, and re-watching Burn Notice on USA. I mean, where's the time?

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: This one is a bit embarassing... I ate leftover sushi from dinner last night for lunch today. Employed Dave would've thrown it out and gotten the lunch special today.

Day 25 2:30PM

I know they are trying to be supportive but people who respond to my situation with "Everything happens for a reason" need to be slapped. What could possibly be the reason for me to lose my job in the middle of the worst economy since the 30's? I mean, if somebody from my old job calls me tomorrow and says "You're so lucky you got laid off; they were transferring an elephant on the third floor and he crashed through the ceiling and crushed your desk at 10AM, right when you are always there" maybe I could believe it but otherwise I just don't see the logic in the statement. I know this was a huge issue on Scrubs as well but didn't it wind up with Nurse Roberts getting into a car accident and dying? Can someone remind me what the message was there?

Day 24 12:32AM

I'm not sure which is a greater sign of my desperation: that this job search has warped my brain into thinking it has created a great new web concept regarding this job search or the fact that I don't want to write about it in case it is a great new web concept about this job search that will help me escape this job search. I think I've officially gone to plaid.

Spent a wonderful weekend alternating between relaxing with friends by the pool and suffocating crushing panic attacks over the state of my life. Thankfully I was with good people who were kind enough to offer job advice to me like we were on Family Feud with control of the board but two strikes and Richard Dawson just finished kissing me on the lips. Nothing like having contradicting advice shouted at you by completely intelligent and logical people to make a decision much easier.

Day 19 6:24PM

Should I stay or should I go? It is the one question that now haunts me every waking hour of the day (and most un-awake hours - I worry over it my dreams except that then it competes with not studying for tests and frightening plane rides for my mental anxiety). I came to Vegas for the job, made some great friends and discovered a solid little life, but what do I do now that the job is gone? Do I leave a bleak job market for a bleak job market? Do I leave a city of sin for a city of sin? Do I leave Tao for Tao? Points and counterpoints are being made constantly in my head, to the point where I'd give anything for a moderator to control them. I picture him to be like Larry King - older, wise, and always sporting suspenders. He'd be a Peabody Award winner but wouldn't flaunt it, the knowledge of it sitting on the mantle in his foyer comfort enough for him. Plus he'd date younger women... What was I talking about?

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: I used a coupon for El Pollo Loco last week and I intend to use another this week. 'Nuff said.

Day 16 10:46PM

I'm not going to lie - weekends have me confused. By name alone they mark the end of the week, and by extension the time when most people work. Hence they are usually filled with justified merriment - sleeping in late, margaritas by the pool, three-state bank robbing sprees. But when you are unemployed they are just another day - albeit one in which your friends with jobs are around and want to do things that cost money to celebrate their time away from work. So thank you unemployment, you've now ruined weekends for me as well.

On the plus side Bryce Decker from Executive Search Online saw my resume online and wanted to know am I still in the market for either a professional or executive job? My resume indicates that they may have openings at Executive Search Online that are appropriate to consider. However, if I am interested, they need some added information. In case you were unaware, Executive Search Online enjoys a growing reputation in executive circles as the fastest growing recruiting service. Their clients include a mixture of small and large firms, growth companies, and Fortune 1,000 corporations. They deal only in professional and executive openings. Given that they chose my resume out of thousands online I'm sure this unemployment thing won't last very long at all. So I got that going for me, which is nice...

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: After our BBQ yesterday there was cleaning up to be done. Out of all the food there was just two pieces of chicken left and some people suggested we give it to the dog. Employed Dave would have been totally on board with this idea, as anything that pleases animals and curries favor with their owners is A-OK with him; Let Go Dave put the kibosh on that suggestion immediately (hey, I bought the chicken). Of course I ate one piece when I got home last night at 2AM but still, it's the principle behind it.

Day 14 1:56PM

Is anything more depressing than taking 2+ hours to tweak your resume and cover letter and answer questions like "what is your ideal work environment" and "what are some professional highlights" for a job you don't really want and know you are not qualified to get? I could've spent that time doing productive things like search for a job I am marginally qualified for or shop for Ramen and cans of beans. I think I would appreciate it more if Monster had filtering software that would ask me "Are you sure about this? This job is asking for CPG experience and while I am sure it was a wonderful time of your life, doing Advertising and Marketing for a record release isn't really the same thing" before I got too pot-committed. Can we get some IT people on this?

Day 14 12:28AM

A moment of clarity and terror...

A friend from my prior employer was over for beer tonight and we were talking about the state of my union. I mentioned a job opening back in New York that is my dream position and he immediately knew what I was talking about because his friend in Chicago had applied and has an interview, despite no prior experience in the field and no real interest in the job. This tiny bit of information brought the stunning reality of my situation into all-too-clear focus: this is going to be a LOT harder than I have allowed myself to believe.

Day 13 11:36AM

I recently decided that I truly hate the term "hiring freeze." I feel like it is corporate jargon initially created by marketers (bless their souls) in the corporate HR department of a place like Unilever or Digitas to justify working their people harder with less headcount only it then mutated into a word that people now use when they don't feel like submitting your resume to HR. Also, there's never the opposite of a "hiring freeze;" I've never heard someone say that Company X is going on a "hiring binge" or a "hiring spree."

And to my post earlier regarding midnight being 12AM not 12PM, this is exactly why I find it confusing. I am writing this at 11:51AM but it is almost 12 hours after my last post. 11 is less than 12 so I feel like noon should be 12AM before starting PM at 1. This all makes sense in my head.

Day 13 12:31AM

I think the most important aspect of this post is the personal recognition that 12 midnight is AM not PM, knowledge I have NEVER been able to retain. For those that know me at all, this is a watershed moment. I may finally retain the knowledge that 12AM starts the new day... now 12 noon I make no promises about.

I'd also like to acknowledge what I feel will be an on-going source of entertainment: Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave (like Betty vs. Veronica in Archie or Kate Hudson vs. Anne Hathaway in the movie that shredded my soul). Once I got home tonight there wasn't anything to eat. Let Go Dave was willing (I'd say happy) to eat a spoonful of peanut butter to satisfy the hunger pangs pre-bed; Employed Dave would have needed a carrot or pretzel to make the protein go down. Let Go Dave is gonna keep it REAL.

Now I have to trick myself to sleep via wine or Ambien like a Golden Retriever getting his heart meds in a spoonful of said peanut butter...

Day 12 10:00AM

I woke up today with the same pit of anxiety I've had every morning since "The Event." Why is it when I am gainfully employed my body can will me to sleep until noon but when I have absolutely nothing to do it wakes me at the same time day laborers and newborns get up? There seems to be something unjust in that.

I see in my Gmail the lovely morning hello from my friend Indeed.com. Despite their cheery claims that there are 352 new jobs posted in my tightly restricted Job Alert (Marketing, NY, NY) I think only 7 are actually ones that I haven't seen multiple times before; they may need to tighten up their definition of "new." I must admit though, CyberCoders is starting to break me down with their constant presence in my life; I just wish they had a more non-IT friendly name. Right now I feel like a successful interview with them would entail me knowing the name of the computer in War Games (WOPR) and detailing the amount of hours I log onto Worlds of Warcraft per week (zero).

Senior Marketing Manager at Wal-Mart... hmmm. Is it too early to trade my soul for a job?