Day 56 7:45PM

Being termed has afforded me a bunch of free time and like many before me I have turned to Twitter. Now I know what many of you are saying: "Twitter? I'm sick of hearing about that!" or "What are you, a fifteen year-old girl?" or "I can't believe McNair's girlfriend thought she'd land in his lap and they'd be like that in heaven" but damn if this site isn't addictive. One of my biggest problems with the blog is feeling the need to post entries long enough to have value; Twitter eliminates that with a 140 character limit. Also, given that I am neither the most offensive nor the most random person out there I can be both with impunity. It is truly liberating.

So as a public service to the uninitiated I present some different classes of Twitterers and some examples of their work:

The 140 Character Masters
@jordanrubin: If I was friends with a centaur, I'd pick a fight with him just so I could say, "Let's settle this Mano a Mano-Horso."
@someecards: [mj memorial] It's always tragic when a pet chimp outlives its owner.
@SarahKSilverman: Hey, is it considered molestation if the child makes the first move? I'm gonna need a quick answer on this.
@michaelianblack "Happy Canada Day," which in America is pronounced "Who gives a shit?"
@robcorddry: Pornstars! Want to know your real name? Take the 1st name on your birth certificate and add it to your dad's last name! I'm "Rob Corddry"!
@dathvader: In Palpatine's defense, it's hard not to be over-confident when intelligence reports you'll be fighting teddy bears & salamanders.
@mookiewilson86: Ya know what's a terrible name for a rapper? Holla Cost.

Topical Geniuses
@sethmeyers21: Hey, maybe "Moneyball" movie got shelved because the A's are 34-46
@sportsguy33: Little-known fact: every time Mariah Carey sings "I'll Be There," she's talking about an all-you-can-eat buffet.
@SklarBrothers: Was surprised to find out that trending topic, "Firefox 3" was referring to computer software, and not some Lou Gossett Jr. Movie.
@nickswisher: Unreal series.Taking 3 from Mets at their place and Mo getting his 500th. Couldn't be scripted any better. Big homestand coming up...

Famous People Who Will Depress You For Being Famous
@IMKristenBell: funniest thing i heard all week-daxs grandma Eulice said kids called her "useless eggshells"-apparently a major insult in the 40s! hee hee
@marciabrazil: Let's just say that your hanging and your friend fuck your boyfirend right after u have leave the party. How would u feel?
@hollymadison123: i am surrounded by gays. which is great, but i'll probably never get laid again.
@KimKardashian : [on July 4th] Did anyone see fireworks???
@ChansiStuckey: Watching head of state with chris rock and bernie mac(rip). Classic

Postings by David Locke in Which He Thinks He's Wittier Than He Really Is
@350Park: The seamless transition of the WWF to WWE gives me faith in human beings' ability to adapt to change. It's like White Trash Darwinism.
@350Park: Because of "Two Girls, One Cup" I now immediately distrust anybody who says "You HAVE to watch this YouTube video." Or "Here, use this cup."
@350Park: Jackson funeral at the Staples Center July 7th; July 8th -12th? Ringling Bros. & Barnum and Bailey. They won't even have to change sets.
@350Park: Maybe the rain was God crying bc He knew He had to call MJ & FF home. That or it was the condensation of atmospheric water vapor into drops.
@350Park: The cast of Terminator 3 is the Bizarro World version of the cast of Diner.