Day 77 12:02AM

Per the lecture by Stephen J. Cannell "What is the Three Act Structure?" - " At the end of Act Two is the second act curtain. This is the destruction of the hero's plan. At the end of Act Two the protagonist should be almost destroyed, and at the lowest point in the drama, either physically and/or emotionally. He (or she) is flat on his back and it looks like there is no way he can succeed." I'd like to hope this is the ending of Act II of my E! True Hollywood Story.

For those that cannot gather from above, I have left Las Vegas. I have moved back to New York. Moved back to Chappaqua, the town I grew up in. Moved into my brother's guest room while I look for work in a devastated market.

Hopefully I can re-start Termed after a brief hiatus where I took stock of my life and made some judgment calls. I'm starting to wonder if they were the right ones... I guess we'll see...

Day 56 7:45PM

Being termed has afforded me a bunch of free time and like many before me I have turned to Twitter. Now I know what many of you are saying: "Twitter? I'm sick of hearing about that!" or "What are you, a fifteen year-old girl?" or "I can't believe McNair's girlfriend thought she'd land in his lap and they'd be like that in heaven" but damn if this site isn't addictive. One of my biggest problems with the blog is feeling the need to post entries long enough to have value; Twitter eliminates that with a 140 character limit. Also, given that I am neither the most offensive nor the most random person out there I can be both with impunity. It is truly liberating.

So as a public service to the uninitiated I present some different classes of Twitterers and some examples of their work:

The 140 Character Masters
@jordanrubin: If I was friends with a centaur, I'd pick a fight with him just so I could say, "Let's settle this Mano a Mano-Horso."
@someecards: [mj memorial] It's always tragic when a pet chimp outlives its owner.
@SarahKSilverman: Hey, is it considered molestation if the child makes the first move? I'm gonna need a quick answer on this.
@michaelianblack "Happy Canada Day," which in America is pronounced "Who gives a shit?"
@robcorddry: Pornstars! Want to know your real name? Take the 1st name on your birth certificate and add it to your dad's last name! I'm "Rob Corddry"!
@dathvader: In Palpatine's defense, it's hard not to be over-confident when intelligence reports you'll be fighting teddy bears & salamanders.
@mookiewilson86: Ya know what's a terrible name for a rapper? Holla Cost.

Topical Geniuses
@sethmeyers21: Hey, maybe "Moneyball" movie got shelved because the A's are 34-46
@sportsguy33: Little-known fact: every time Mariah Carey sings "I'll Be There," she's talking about an all-you-can-eat buffet.
@SklarBrothers: Was surprised to find out that trending topic, "Firefox 3" was referring to computer software, and not some Lou Gossett Jr. Movie.
@nickswisher: Unreal series.Taking 3 from Mets at their place and Mo getting his 500th. Couldn't be scripted any better. Big homestand coming up...

Famous People Who Will Depress You For Being Famous
@IMKristenBell: funniest thing i heard all week-daxs grandma Eulice said kids called her "useless eggshells"-apparently a major insult in the 40s! hee hee
@marciabrazil: Let's just say that your hanging and your friend fuck your boyfirend right after u have leave the party. How would u feel?
@hollymadison123: i am surrounded by gays. which is great, but i'll probably never get laid again.
@KimKardashian : [on July 4th] Did anyone see fireworks???
@ChansiStuckey: Watching head of state with chris rock and bernie mac(rip). Classic

Postings by David Locke in Which He Thinks He's Wittier Than He Really Is
@350Park: The seamless transition of the WWF to WWE gives me faith in human beings' ability to adapt to change. It's like White Trash Darwinism.
@350Park: Because of "Two Girls, One Cup" I now immediately distrust anybody who says "You HAVE to watch this YouTube video." Or "Here, use this cup."
@350Park: Jackson funeral at the Staples Center July 7th; July 8th -12th? Ringling Bros. & Barnum and Bailey. They won't even have to change sets.
@350Park: Maybe the rain was God crying bc He knew He had to call MJ & FF home. That or it was the condensation of atmospheric water vapor into drops.
@350Park: The cast of Terminator 3 is the Bizarro World version of the cast of Diner.

Day 53 11:54PM

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: I used coupons at Target. More than one. And saved $1.75. And was psyched about it. Employed Dave would've skipped the coupons AND would've bought Tide instead of All.

Day 53 11:08PM

I went to a high school that is consistently ranked among the top institutions in the country. I graduated with honors from the University of Michigan. I was promoted up the ranks of the largest record label in the world. I received my MBA from a Top 10 business school. Yet somehow the D-Bag with the Ed Hardy wardrobe, the tribal tattoos across his back, and the sunglasses on the back of his head at the pool owns four condos while I am on a month-to-month rental. Somehow the bottle blond with the fakies peeking out her halter top, teetering on her 4-inch heels at Target, is driving the Land Rover while I rock the leased Nissan Rogue. Somehow the guy who doesn't know the difference between "you're" and "your," who hit "Reply All" to a company-wide email more than once, who took a sick day to go to the AVNs, got promoted while I got termed.

MAN this town is confusing...

Day 46 5:02PM

I've gathered from various sources that this Blog reads as exceedingly negative at times. This is not my intent; it is simply that my New York sarcasm and jackassedness doesn't translate to the written word as well. Trust me, I am only this bitter like 31% of the time. So, in order to change the tone of the blog I am going to take a moment to list some of the pluses of being Termed Into Oblivion:

• Hitting the gym mid-day means I get to work out with the Manhattan's resident "dancers"
• Lazy River Sundays with no fear for Monday remorse
• I can finally go to Spy On Vegas happy hours
• I figured out how to do bullet points on Blogger
• I get to hit Callaway before the post-work rush
• No more Monday IT meetings and the inevitable uncomfortableness when their team gets belittled yet again
• Nobody is on the XBox when I go to Target
• I've embraced the comedy potential of Twitter (350Park)
• Nobody is telling me to "own the program" despite their inability to tell me what that means
• I get sunlight on a daily basis
• I was able to follow the Michael Jackson saga as it unfolded re-time
• No more Team Member Dining means no more 700 calorie cookies and arbitrary French Fry consumption
• They weren't able to lay me off during yesterday's round

Day 41 6:01PM

Employed Dave vs. Let Go Dave: This happened a few nights ago but I couldn't resist discussing it. Cooking Pasta-Roni ($1.01 a box!! 34% of your daily recommended sodium per serving!!) on my gas stove and apparently the flame went out. It took me several trips to the stove wondering why the pasta wasn't cooking before I realized what had happened. Employed Dave probably would have decided that the condo full of gas wasn't worth it and would have gone out to eat for several hours while the place aired out. Let Go Dave decided "what the hell," sat on the patio for 30 minutes, and finished cooking the pasta. I did squat down on the floor while relighting the stove though.

Day 38 1:38PM

This is more a function of having time on my hands than the true nature of the blog but... I really hate the Smirnoff Ice commercial when they make it seem like a group of people sneaking onto a hill, laying down some plastic, and slip-n-sliding when the sprinklers come on is absolutely nutty and cool. "It was crazy and we were there." That seems like a 60 year-old marketing exec's idea of crazy since he grew up in Queens and used to open up hydrants in the summer to stay cool so this is reminiscent of that. Shouldn't "it was crazy and we were there" be reserved for things like the NYC blackout and bachelor parties in Thailand? If they got drunk on the Ice and beat the security guard who found them to death and then used the plastic to bury him in the greenhouse from the beginning of the commercial maybe I'd feel better about the message, but otherwise I'm just not buying it.

One the other hand, the new Bacardi mojito commercial with the guy walking through the party totally kills it (forced racial harmony and all).